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Star Wars Top Ten Lists

Top Ten Reasons Star Wars is Better Than Star Trek

10. "Look sir, droids!"
9. no time travellers picking up their own heads
8. no alternate universes
7. no transporters to save your butt at the last minute
6. aliens with makeup somewhere besides their foreheads
5. starship battles in three dimensions
4. war, not neutral zones!
3. no ultra-powerful aliens with one-letter names
2. no holodecks for lame plot ideas invented by actors
1. Princess Leia in the harem girl outfit at Jabba's!

Top Ten Star Warsish Things To Say When Your Parents Make a Surprise Visit to Your House or Dorm

10. "Exciting is hardly the word I would use."
9. "Unexpected this is, and unfortunate."
8. Gesture around the room and say to your roommates, "If they don't go for this, we're gonna have to get out of here pretty quick."
7. Say to them, as they come in the door, "You've got a lotta nerve coming in here, after what you pulled."
6. "Hi son, we just stopped by to see if you would JOIN US for lunch." Reply with "I'll never join you! (distort your face) Then throw yourself down the nearest shaft.
5. Ask them for money, then if they ask why they must pay ______ (whatever the amount)... Have a friend yell, "Because he's holding a thermal detonator!" (everyone dive for cover)
4. If they ask why the place is in such a mess, reply with, "Your eyes can deceive you - don't trust them... I've let go of my conscious self and acted on instinct."
3. "I've got a bad feeling about this."
2. "Lock the doors, and hope they don't have blasters!"
1. If they ask how you are doing in school, say, "When I left you I was but the learner, now I am the master."

Top Ten Rejected Star Wars Plot Line Changes for the Special Editions

10. The stormtroopers kill Luke at his uncle's house. The movie ends.
9. Luke does *not* stay on target... but Porkins does! He blows up the Death Star, gets Leia, and spends the remainder of the trilogy in the Rebel cafeteria.
8. R2-D2 does *not* let the wookiee win, and Chewie tears him to shreds, causing C3P0 to go into an uncharacteristic rage, culminating in his initiation of the Falcon's self-destruct sequence.
7. Obi-Wan and Vader settle their differences the old fashioned way... shoots! Best two out of three.
6. Leia falls for *both* Luke and Han, convincing them to leave the Rebellion in favor of the Corellian Pleasure Cruiser named "Jabba's Paradise" where the three spend their days engaging in unspeakable acts using the Force.
5. Luke's father turns out to be... Jabba the Hutt!! (Luke: nooooooo! Jabba: Ho, ho, ho!)
4. Darth Vader turns out to be Luke's mother - journey to the Dark Side indeed!
3. Vader loses the Death Star to Lando Calrissian in a game of Sabacc.
2. The Jawas, led by R2D2, and the Ewoks, led by Salacious Crumb, plunge into a 100-year war known as the "War of Who Gives a Rat's Ass?"
1. Luke removes Vader's mask to reveal that he is... Jim "the anvil" Nightheart!! (Luke: nooooo! Vader: Nyaaaaahh!)

Top Ten Signs You've Seen the Star Wars Movies Too Many Times

10. Your poodles are named "C," "3," "P" and "O"
9. You won't sleep with your wife unless she says, "Help me, Obi Wan, you're my only hope"
8. You spent $10,000 trying to Rogaine yourself into Chewbacca
7. You're continually stunned when the President makes major decisions without consulting Mark Hamill
6. Your favorite pickup line: "Would you like to handle my light saber?"
5. You keep referring to your lawn mower as "that crazy droid"
4. You spend most of your days trying to use "the Force" to open a can of pears
3. You once saw an eggplant that looked kind of like Darth Vader and almost had a heart attack
2. Your sex life is strictly "Han Solo," if you know what I mean
1. You like Yoda so much, you voted for Ross Perot